11/07/2010 - 1224pm

wow...so fast 1 week pas already....

in one week time, me and my mum holiday at Hui San's house. haha we discharge on the same day on last monday. sooooo ngam eh...

I already see tabib... wahlaoooooo expensive douuuuu sei. one bottle medicine, RM380. he give me 5 bottle leh. aduiiii really suck blood. he say that my heart function now very poor so need to 'tiao yang' back.

he also advise me to try one rawatan from Japan. but it course RM38K. OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! such a hugeeee amount. where we find that much amount?????? the procedure is, pay RM38K, then take some blood and kirim pergi Japan, then Japan there will screen my blood, if they can cure me, then they will send me the ubat loh, but if they cant cure me, the money they will refund back to me. T.T i am worried... where to find those money....

I am so jelous at Hui San bcos she have a good and rich husband. once his husband know she cant do any treatment jor, he direct bank in money to Japan there. hmmm... when will i get this big amount to cure my sick? ... just pray to God loh...

I very enjoy stay at Hui San house at kemuning utama for one week. both of us forget our problems for awhile. go see 'tua pek kong', we ate steam boat, chicken rice and bla bla bla....

when i see Hui San and her husband pray to Guan Ying, i feel soooo ashamed of myself. they pray very hard and macam sangat pro. me, know nothing much...

my leg now bengkak air... very xin ku.. and very easy lebam lebam. they say my skin tone tooo fair thats why the lebam lebam nampak sangat. and alot of red dot. i think is bcos of my platelets again... haiz..

tomoro goin to daycare check blood again. seriously, i hate hospital very much!!!! it suck!!!!!!!!!!!

Hope ming tian hui gen hao ba.. :)

05/07/2010 @12.09pm warm warm monday..

Monday...

day by day.....

i am still in the hospital... yesterday transfused 2 packet of red blood cells. In the evening my hands and leg got bintik bintik merah come out,,,so i guess is my platelets low again loh..

in the next day which is today justnw morning, doc say transfused me platelets due to toooooooo many bintik2 merah n my gum is bleeding while brush my teeth justnw.

God God God, pleaseeeeeeeee give me a MIRACLE....

Kinda not really sad, not really moody, not really happy but errrr just normal.

Trying to forget that im sick.

trying................(pretend)

day b4 yesterday am so happy leh. my net(mig33) friends visited me. OMG! i nvr tot that i will meet net friends andddd in hospital lagi.haha funny funny. I was like, errrrrrrr am i dreaming??lol!!!

then my college friend Aril and Kim also visited me. Aril is my first time meet him. hahaha he took pharmacy course de. we knw each othr through facebook. he is very handsome(abit short). hehe nowonder Ying Chinn lenglui paktor with him la. lengzai malay boy. he come last minute de leh. we chat on msn when he knw im in hospital ampang he directly say want come to visit me and bring Kim along.hahaha very miss kim. she helps me alot. that day just like 'ketawa dalam duka'. really, may God bless them always.

we chit chat alot, asking her about other roommates news. there are soooooooooo sooooo many things happened among them... in one day many things can happened. scary movie...huhu

Currently im drinking one kind of veges sup which called ' burdock sup or niu bang' which have burdock root, white carrot, white carrot leaves, carrot and 2 slices of dried black mushroom which alot of ppl who got the last stage of cancer drink it and got remission. i drink it b4 but at that time i did not add in the mushroom bcos at that time im having my chemotherapy. seems now no more therapy for me, so, yeah, try my luck. hopefully it can helps me.

wow! my mum goin to buy 1 new hp for me. touchberry. i know she love me and trying to fulfilled all of my wishes. ;'( she work so hard for me. everyday rushing to hospital and bck home to cook for me. I am very happy that i got such a loving mother. everyday pray to God besides give me back my health and always look after my parents and everyone that very care about me.

I feel very touch when know ah ting de wishes on his birthday is want me get well. very happy and lucky have such a good friend that nvr forget friends who in pain. some ppl only say, i will pray for u, but in fact, he/she did nothing. but anyway, i understand. that is the way to show his/her concern at me. :)

every morning once open eyes, will say thank you God for still give me a chance to wake up.

so, maybe tomoro will discharge loh... hope ming tian hui gen hao ~! jia you !!!!!

God bless.

Amituofuo.

3/7/2010

hello...

yeah my report is out, and my cancer cell relapse up to 20%. and theres no more treatment for me. means, i am no longer alive.

I am veeeery scared. scare die... yeah , is there really a ghost? is Heaven and Hell really exist?

I already told almost all of my good friends, but seems they more sad then me eh?
esp Ting, i know he very care and appreciate this friendship. I still remember the crazy days we had together when study in SMTM. walking from sch to bus stop, share happy and sad, OMG.. :'(

although theres no more treatment i can do, but we will try some alternative way. maybe Chinese meditation? drink more burdock vege sup? .....

Yes la ofcoz im sad. if u noe u gonna die, will u happy?
everythings already happened. I also cant do anything.
what i can do is pray to God eeveryday, and ask He give me back my health so that i can take care and balas jasa baik whoever that really cares and love me.

maybe theres a miracle? ermm.. HOPE.

i kept seek for the forgiveness from my friends, so that i wont hutang anyone anymore.

eh, if u(pee) got read my blog, i really wanted to tell u that i really didn't ruin up u and yr so called 'friends' relationship. yes i dont want to ungkit hal lama, but i just want to make it clear. ok. settle. sorry ah for everything. kosong kosong.


I am very happy that everyone very care about me, and my net friend from mig33 mis mim and her twin is coming to visit me. friends and family all gave me alot of support. will not give up. and i dont want to die in young age.

blablabla... what am i typing.................................. blur................................
may tomoro bttr then today.

God bless.

blues day...

Again...

I was admitted to hospital again due to my FBC low...

Doc said that maybe is bcos my bone marrow dry, or ..... hmmmm

what ever happend, just hope tomoro which is on the 29.06.2010/ Tuesday will make a bone marrow test... HOPEFULLY, the result is ok. Ami TuoFuo!

i admitted to ward 8B.. I don't knw since when this ward opened, but what can i see is theres alot of patient with diff type of cancer.. but most of them is blood disease and some of them is transplant de...

Got 1 big jiejie beside me, she is 30, and she got skin cancer. I nvr heard skin cancer b4, so that is ^^kinda new for me. her skin got some raches, but then, she is a very happy go lucky type. and, seriously, she's cute!!

the aunty infront of me if not mistaken she got talesimia. she look old, but aha... she is only 44 my mum called her MAK CIK. omg..ahaha..

Kinda blur and don't know how to describe how i feel now. family and friends were worried about me. They gave me support but sometimes their support become my very heavy STRESS. God, i really really feel heavy on my shoulder. what i can do is just pray to Ru Rai Fuo Zu and Guan Yim. Hopefully everything gonna be ok.

Gues wht, Hui San also admitted to hospital. really me and her got YUAN FAN (jodoh). last year we chemo together, transplant together, and now, yeah..aha...
she no guai. she curi makan roti canai. haih.. this young lady dunno how to say. she just dont feel contented what she have. lazy to wear mask and eat whatever she like. hmm really not fair for me. really all this already TAKDIR.

I also lazy to kpoh about her, what i know is HOPE FOR THE GOOD. may God bless me, and everyone.

Promise to myself will take a good diet and rest time after this. Amituofuo.

05/05/2010@12.15am

When i just viewed my friends wall post at mig33 and found his blog so called 'merchant'blog page then i just realize already a month i didnt visit my blog.

Ahaha... Well, theres nothing much and interesting happened on the pas april 2010.. I spend my times with sooo many dvds and others useless things.

I do sauna, and I don't exercise because i'm lazy.. and I so 'steal-steal' eat keropok wor..hahaha beh tahan.. eat abit.. God bless it wont harm me.heh

Ouhhhh.. Mothers day is coming~!!!!!! I really wonder what should I gave to my mum this year...

last year i bake a cake + fried chicken drumsticks + boiled eggs.
I know she is super touched.

I bake that cake with my own hand without machine. and at that time, I am weak because jst finished my second chemotherapy.

ahaha... as long as she happy..I don't mind.

haaa i know..ugly..but it's fulllll of love mkey..hahaha

This year for sure cannot bake cake anymore.
Her sugar level is damn high... hrm.. maybe a bottle of paper stars? ermmm ..

Anyway, darn! superrrrr miss my friends!!! And I hope all of them is always ok and blessed. ahaha.. shall stop at here..

May God bless everyone.

chiaoww!!

01/04/2010 @ 1.06pm

HaHaHaHa~!!

Not today.. But tomoro is my birthday~!!!!!! Happy Birthday to myself! hehe

I don't feel happy because i scare i got no chance to celebrate my birthday next year..OUCH!!! touch wood!!!!!

Wishes is wanted to get well soon and the illness wont come back to me anymore, 4ever.

May God give me a good health and wealth.

Time go so fast... and I am really speechless now. Only hope+pray to get a good health. what also don't want, I only want my life. hmmph..

Last but not leat, Happy Birthday Michelle!!!!!! Ga yao!!!!!^^

Happy birthday to me,
Happy birthday to me,
Happy bithday to Michelle,
Happy birthday to me.

poem time... 31/03/2010@12.11pm

Hide The Hurt
I didn’t want to admit it
it was easier to lie
to hide the hurt and emptiness
to smile instead of cry
I didn’t want to face the fact
my life is full of pain
as I long to stop my bleeding heart
and smile once again
I didn’t want to face the fact
I cannot spread my wings
for my happiness has melted into tears and other things.....








A Special World

A special world for you and me
A special bond one cannot see
It wraps us up in its cocoon
And holds us fiercely in its womb.

Its fingers spread like fine spun gold
Gently nestling us to the fold
Like silken thread it holds us fast
Bonds like this are meant to last.

And though at times a thread may break
A new one forms in its wake
To bind us closer and keep us strong
In a special world, where we belong.

- Sheelagh Lennon -




You...
~by me myself mhkn~




Not holding you in my arms is tearing me apart.
Being away is something I never imagined from the start.
I never thought we'd fall in love, so mad.
I never realized life without you would be so bad.
The gentle reassurance in your hand
led me away to a make-believe land.
Now my heart can't resist, but to yearn for your warmly embraced kiss.
And being with you is something I miss.
The things I'd give to have you in my arms -
To just hold you close and protect you from harm.
They said it will never work because of our age;
To them my love for you was just a phase.
When they came in our world and tore it apart,
It soon became a broken-promise land of the heart.
They don't know what we've been through,
How much you love me and I love you.
This can't be over; we're still not through.
There's so much we haven't shared - so much we promised to do.
I don't know how to hide my love enough so it doesn't show.
I can't hold back and refuse to let go.
If they only knew how you made me feel,
With all the problems you helped me deal.
How you taught me I was much more than I had ever thought -
All of the Joy, Happiness, and Love to me you brought.
You showed me I was beautiful outside and in,
And showed me true love time and time again.
One day I will return to you all you have given me,
In some shape or form; soon you'll see.
Send a message to my heart; promise me we will never part.
One day we will be able to be together every day,
And we won't have to worry what they say.
So when the time comes, promise me you'll take my hand and be with me
forever as long as we can.